I'd like to write down a few thoughts on the first few months with a baby before I forget the details (which is already happening). I had a huge learning curve with my first, so I want to write down some of the things I learned that helped with my second. I'll be breaking this up into a few separate posts, though.
Here's your baby!
Congratulations! You survived the challenges of pregnancy and childbirth, and now you have a new baby in your arms! Now, it's finally time to get some rest, right? I wish! Welcome to baby boot camp, or what I like to call hazing for the new parents!
Well, okay, at first, your baby may sleep a lot, and I tried to sleep whenever I could at this point (which can be challenging if you're in the hospital). Obviously, even when you're home, you should try to sleep whenever you get a chance. (This is, of course, easier if you only have one child or if you have family around helping you out, but my husband and I found ways to help each other get a little extra sleep even with our second. What worked for us was for him to sometimes take a nap in the late evening while I watched the kids (i.e., baby who is screaming instead of sleeping), and I would go back to bed for a bit after feeding our baby in the morning, while he got breakfast for himself and our 2-year-old.)
I really hope you have some people bringing you meals early on or that you've made a bunch of freezer meals in advance. (No? Maybe I should write a post about things to do before the baby comes! They're a lifesaver. ...though if you're like me and feel exhausted and sick for most of your pregnancy (and/or you make a long-distance move), it can be hard to make that happen! Maybe we can talk more about food prep later, too? I ended up eating more fast food than usual when my first was a baby! Obviously, healthy food is the best for optimal mommy and baby health, but you do what you have to at this stage...)
If you're like me and you often don't have much success with napping during the day, you might find it helpful to do whatever will give you energy while your baby's sleeping. This might mean a few minutes outside in the sun (which you can also do with baby awake), reading a book (sometimes listening to an audiobook would help me fall asleep for a nap), or possibly even washing some dishes. (Hey--some people are weird like that. Seriously, though, sometimes it gives me energy to know I've been productive and I can rest later with one less thing to worry about.) When my baby fell asleep for a nap, if I managed to drag myself off the couch, I would ask myself, "What will I most regret not doing if my baby wakes up in the next few minutes?" (Usually, this was something like "go to the bathroom" or "refill my cup of water." I would work down my mental priority list from there. It's completely okay if "rest" is at the top of your list.)
Will I always feel exhausted?
Sorry. You probably will for a while, though some weeks will be better than other weeks. I find after about 6 weeks things start getting gradually easier and more fun. (Dates like this may need to be adjusted for your baby's due date if your baby is premature.) It will get better soon! The fog will lift! You will be a normal human being again.
Rough spots
Your baby may have a growth spurt sometime around 3 weeks where he or she is fussier and needs to eat more often.
Also, between 5 and 6 weeks can be a really rough period. (Again, adjust these dates based on your baby's due date if your little one was premature.) This tends to be the "peak of fussiness," as many call it. There are various opinions as to why that is (Dr. Weissbluth of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child thinks that it's because your child's sleep and wake cycles aren't aligned yet), but the good news is that your baby is likely to start getting less fussy soon.
My second actually starting having screaming/crying periods the first week or two, even though bad fussy periods aren't "supposed to" start until about 2 weeks (and last until at least 6 weeks). I was afraid we were really in for it--until I decided that maybe his screaming was due to gas pain (though plenty of books will tell you your baby's fussiness is not related to digestion), and I started really working on his latch while nursing so he wasn't swallowing so much air. (I also started giving him simethicone gas drops with feedings and spending more time (and varying positions) trying to get him to burp.) Fortunately, his nightly screaming period improved well before the 6-week "peak of fussiness"!
Babies also tend to have a growth spurt around this time (5-6 weeks) AND one of the "Wonder Weeks" or developmental leaps happens around now. (More about Wonder Weeks in a separate post.) A triple blow! No wonder this is a rough spot!
I feel like 6 weeks was an important milestone for me with my babies. Things can be challenging in the beginning, especially if it's your first--or if your baby screams ALL the time, like my first. However, after about 6 weeks of age, babies tend to start smiling more and making happy "cooing" sounds. I LOVE that! There's nothing like having a little one whom you've exhausted yourself for for several weeks finally start acting like they like you a little bit--and like maybe they can enjoy life. Seriously, though, I do hope you get quiet moments where you can enjoy your little one even before this point. I'm just saying, from this point on, things start to get a lot more fun. They gradually become less fussy, more fun to be around, and (generally) easier to take care of.
Decoding Baby Cries
Some people say you can't really distinguish baby cries until they're older. However, Priscilla Dunstan of Australia, who has an amazing ear for music, claims to have decoded the fussy sounds that newborns make just before they start all-out crying. I think there's actually something to what she says! Look for the video of her Oprah appearance online or check out her videos, available for purchase at dunstanbaby.com. I would note, though, that I have noticed my babies sometimes make the hungry sound when they're tired. Sometimes they just want something to suck on so they can relax and fall asleep! Probably the most helpful sound to decode is the "eh" sound for needing to burp. It's important to get those burps out before you finish nursing them! Otherwise, you end up with spit up or lower gas pain. (By "you," I mean your baby. I hope. ...though I can't actually guarantee the spit up's final destination.)
Soothing the Crying
Did you know babies cry less later in the day if they're held more earlier in the day? I'm not saying you need to hold your baby constantly. Everybody needs to lie down for a nap sometimes, but there are many benefits to cuddling with your baby during the day and holding them close to your chest. You can even wear them in a carrier that holds them close to your chest. (Just make sure they're in a safe position and not in a C-curve and that they have plenty of room to breathe. Read any instructions that come with the carrier you have!)
Also, if you respond to your baby's cries right away (within the first few minutes), they cry less when they're older. However, keep in mind that "responding to their cries" doesn't mean that you need to nurse them constantly. I think the main idea here is to feed them when they're hungry, help them sleep (there are different ways to do this) when they're tired, and change them if they need to be changed. More on feeding and napping to come in a future post... Babies often have fussy periods when all their needs are taken care of, too. It's up to you how you handle these times, and it could depend on your particular situation.
For general soothing of fussiness (or screaming, depending on your baby), you might check out the book or video The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp, or just read online about the 5 S's: swaddle, side/stomach (not recommended for safe sleeping, but holding them on their tummies or sides can help), shushing (loudly across their ear--not blowing directly into the eardrum; or some white noise machines can help), swing, sucking (nursing or pacifier). Note that pacifier use is not recommended in early weeks for breastfeeding moms because it may interfere with proper breastfeeding (but this is debated, and plenty of moms use one anyway).
Personally, I find that my babies need to eat a little more often in the evening in those early weeks. I also find it helpful sometimes to hold my babies upright on my shoulder and pat them while shushing in their ear to calm them--or swinging/swaying back and forth with them. Faster swinging/swaying tends to help calm a fussy baby, while slower movements are more conducive to sleep. My babies also LOVED going outside. I don't remember the details with my first, but my second would stop crying almost immediately when we stepped outside holding him. My husband would often take him on a walk outside as soon as he got home from work. Even if it's cold out, babies can still be outside for a few minutes if they're bundled up. I believe spending time outdoors has many health benefits for everyone!
Keep in mind, too, if your baby is acting more upset than usual, something could be wrong. Gas drops (simethicone) can be used with feedings to help reduce gas, and gripe water can be used to help soothe tummy troubles. Some people use probiotics to help with digestion. Just make sure it's a kind that's safe for babies. (Please run any medicines by your doctor to make sure they're okay in your situation.) Also, doctors can prescribe medicines for acid reflux or GERD. One other random thing to keep an eye out for if your child is unusually upset is to make sure your baby doesn't have a hair wrapped around a finger or toe, cutting off circulation (tourniquet syndrome). This is rare but serious, and apparently the hairs can be hard to spot.
I hope to write a couple more posts soon about the first two months, but this one is long enough for now. Just know that everything will be getting easier in a couple of months! Press on! ...and sleep when you can.
Note that I am NOT a medical professional. I'm just sharing thoughts based on my experiences and on what I've read. Please trust your gut and talk to your pediatrician if you have any medical concerns about your baby.
